If you’ve also been going through an extreme weight loss journey, I hope this gives you encouragement for the future. I never had anyone to talk to who understood these things and I hope I can help someone out there that might be like me that needs to hear it.
I had been obese my entire life- NEVER experienced the simplest things that “normal” people take for granted. Things that most would think is ridiculous to even care about. One of those things was riding on an airplane. The last time I was on a plane was about 4 years ago and I couldn’t fit in the seat. (My highest weight was 370lbs). It was so tight that I barely squeezed my hips between the arm rests and my butt couldn’t touch the seat. I hovered above the seat with the entirety of my weight on my hips for a 4 hour flight. By the time I landed, my legs were completely asleep and my hips were in so much pain I was fighting back tears. I was in so much pain I could barely walk and the next day I woke up with massive bruises on my hips. Then to twist the knife even further, I had to get back on another plane to go home 4 days later which only made it worse. It took weeks to recover from that… from simply riding on a plane.
Since that trip, I have not gone near a plane. I even missed my best friends wedding in 2022 that I was supposed to be in as her maid of honor.
My whole life has been like this since I was five years old. Missing out on absolutely everything- always being left out and judged. Just existing in pure misery. My world was so dark and lonely.
Well, fast forward to recently- 1.5 years into my weight loss journey, I have now lost over 120lbs and decided it’s time for me to start living. I booked a surprise trip to see my best friend (yes, from the wedding I missed!!!) and I surprised her for her birthday. I also got to meet my beautiful God daughter for the first time who is now 8 months old!!
I had been SO nervous about getting on this damn plane. Literally making myself sick about it. Rather than having a hard time sleeping the night before out of excitement, I was having a hard time sleeping worrying and nervous about traveling.
I get on the plane, flustered and already embarrassed out of habit. My hands were sweaty and my voice was shaky as the flight attendant greeted me at the door. As I’m hyper focused on strategizing how to keep myself out of people’s way, I notice that I can walk through the isle without having to inch by while also having to twist and turn so I don’t knock into people- I can just walk facing forward…. Hmm okay that’s different.
Then someone in front of me turned around needing to move past me because they went too far and passed their seat. I panicked and blushed in embarrassment thinking she wouldn’t be able to get by me and I didn’t want to annoy her being the fat girl in her way… (terrible to say, I know. But these are the things that run through your mind when you’ve lived in an obese body your entire life) but I just moved my suitcase out of her way and turned sideways and she just walked right by- I didn’t have to stuff myself into an open row to make room for her. I even briefly had a moment to tell her that her jacket was pretty as she walked by. Wow um….did that actually just happen?
THEN the thing I was dreading the most- the seat. I get to my row and I stared in agony at my seat for a second and then looked around to make sure no one was watching before I sat in it, hoping no one would see me struggle. I braced myself and winced, anticipating a painful landing as I sat down and immediately looked up in shock when I realized I fit into this seat like it was made for me. Wait- WHAT????
The real test was the seatbelt. I still avoided this part until the last minute because I thought for sure it would not fasten. I used to always bring a jacket with me on planes to keep on my lap to hide that I couldn’t fasten my seatbelt. (Still did today out of habit and fear) I finally mustered up the courage to try it and… it not only buckled but I had room to tighten it????? I was so shocked my jaw literally fell open and I just sat here with tears welled up in my eyes about a seatbelt.
But it’s not just a seatbelt- It’s so much more than a seatbelt.
It’s the realization that for the first time in my 25 years on this earth, I am finally free. I am no longer a slave to my own body, I am no longer a slave to food. My shackles have been removed and I am free.
I have happily retired my jacket to the open seat next to me and as the flight attendant walked by to ask if I had my seatbelt on before taking off, I smiled so big and said YES and proudly showed her. That smile was so big my cheeks hurt!
So with all that being said,
If you are struggling, if you are fighting the urge to quit, if you are tired- just keep going. Let yourself rest and breathe but just keep going.
This feeling is worth the sacrifice. It’s worth the effort. It’s worth the time. Love yourself enough to grant this feeling to yourself. Believe in yourself enough to keep going even when the road gets rough. Give yourself grace and remind yourself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Get the timelines out of your head and just do it.
You’re never too far gone, and you deserve to feel this too!
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